I've just been reading Lesley's blog (which I thought she'd been neglecting when it turns out I'd bookmarked the wrong blinking page for the last 5 days and therefore it looked like it hadn't been updated) and Mrs's blog and others and am left feeling pretty......[searching for a word] wibbly. Ok, I know that's not a word, but it's how I feel.
It's a strange mix of complete pleasedness (again, not a word - I must stop writing this at 11pm at night!) for the joy that success in weight loss has brought for the relevant people alongside a growing sense of dread that I may never get there whichever way I try.
I know why this somewhat mawdling feeling has come about, mind you.
Firstly, after the great weight loss of last week I thought I'd do a quick check on my weight this morning to check my progress after two days of week 2 and the numbers hadn't changed at all. I know I shouldn't do this as it does seem to affect my mood and sense of purpose but I was a little gutted that there was no movement. Surely it's physically impossible for a woman of my size to consume only 500-550kcal per day, drinking at least 3 litres of water, not to lose weight?? Even in 2 days?
Crikey, I feel like a numpty whinging about this after last weeks fantabulous 10lb drop but it's these little things that just niggle away at the times you've not got much else on your mind and make those shakes just a little less bearable.....
But I'll be fine tomorrow and upbeat and positive and WON'T get weighed until Monday, however large the temptation.
Talking of temptations.....since I started this diet last Monday we have had cakes brought into the office twice (a gorgeous looking M&S banana cake and individual chelsea buns respectively), those new Cadbury's chocolate biscuits once and then today, because we had clients visiting, we had the spare sandwiches and finger foods from their platter in the office. Honestly, going to send a fax without giving in to the lure of the sumptuous carbohydrate laden plate was a serious trial! That's a whole heap of food on offer which I've turned down very politely and very reluctantly!
Anyway, secondly (the other reason I feel a bit mawdling) is that I ate another proper 'meal'. Tonight was definitely fun - had the folks round for an impromptu barbeque. Mr RB is a real man in the fact that if the sun makes a 5 minute appearance, out pops the bbq as if by magic, complete with industrial quality implements (although no tacky apron with a man's muscly body on it, thank goodness!) and he rustles up a bbq masterpiece.
My mum, dad, brother, sister in law and best mate came round so we did lots of traditional bbq food including Jumbo Sausages, which I think deserve the capitalisation as they used to be such a firm favourite - nay, a passion!- of mine....that is, before I turned veggie and then started using protein shakes as my main source of food.....Sigh.
Ever thoughtful, Mr RB had popped to Iceland and bought frozen tuna steaks and salmon fillets as he thought they'd be the best alternative for me to the burgers, chicken legs & sausages all covered in mounds of cheese and mayo he was cooking for everyone else. Bless him. He is such a helpful love and I'm very lucky to have someone so supportive. So, although I am essentially a vegetarian I did have a tuna steak (about 2/3s of it anyway, until I saw the g r o s s veins in every chunk and then I couldn't face anymore) with green salad and half an egg. Although there's few carbs in this meal and I really enjoyed it I still felt that I'd failed a little bit on my diet today. I just didn't want to eat 'real food' so often - I wanted the whole stress of eating to be lifted from me, but Mr RB had gone to lots of trouble to buy the fish and make it nice for me with herbs etc that I wanted to enjoy it for his sake as much as mine. I think the disappointment partly stems from not knowing exactly how many calories I've consumed which the LL diet doesn't let you think about as it's all worked out for you. I estimate that the meal was about 250-300kcals at the most (with the tuna being around 200kcals) which only takes my daily total up to 600 at the most, so it's still ok I suppose.
Actually, that's fine and I should stop this mood I seem to be in of trying to see the worst in myself. Gosh, this blog is therapeutic! 600kcals, 5g net carbs & 4 litres of water aint bad at all, baby. And I didn't even touch a tiny piece of the fresh bread rolls that kept winking at me and bread has always been my ultimate weakness before. So well done me.
No exercise today though. Will remedy tomorrow.
Lead on, McDuff. xx
2 comments:
Ya numpty ya!
Actually I did that with MRS' blog ages ago and if you see the amount she can write it was pretty unlikely that she'd not update for 3 or 4 days!!
You are exposed in this diet without a group and 4 little packs per day to fall back on. It was hard for us at the start so it's going to be doubly hard for you until you get into the swing of it and start having faith in yourself and your losses.
Some people might advocate not weighing yourself but I find that that just weakens my ties to the diet (if I don't hop on the scales in the mornng I kind of "forget" what I'm trying to do). BUT, you do have to stop concentrating on the numbers as it will mess with your head every morning otherwise.
Try and focus on your goal (losing weight, getting healthy, getting fit etc) rather than on lbs. That will come easier once you've lost some serious lbs I know but it's worth tryng to think that way for now.
I'm sure you'll wake up positive again and be able to look back at a BBQ where you didn't pig out rather than a meal where you ate real food instead of shakes. Sucess vs failure?? A matter of preception.
AT LL we had one class which assessed the way we phrase things and how negatively we view things. The idea was if we're always harsh or negative on ourselves we won't believe tht we can suceed and we will be more likely to turn to food again. So try and look for the positive and take control of what YOU want out of the diet.
It may be hard but you're going to have to have a hard conversation with Mr RB and explain that you're only going to eat when YOU want to. Yo do it at the office now do it at home. He'll get it eventually.
I'm full of admiration for you going it alone but can't help feeling that it would be easir for you to tackle your doctor again and DEMAND that they sign the medical without charging such extortionate fees (complain to the Family Health Board/PCT, change GP's, ask you LLC if there's a private practise who'll sign a certificate every 5 weeks??).
My sister (a GP) was aghast at such an unhelpful attitude from your practise. My doctor was a bit concerned but supported me and dropped his usual private medical fee from £45 to £25 for the initial medical and nothing for the subsequent ones because I was trying to lose weight which he wanted me to do. Others in my class have had similar experiences.
So - please don't think I'm not supporting you - I just think it will be easier on you and you'll get more out of it if you are within LL.
But - in the meantime - you're doing very well and the lbs will drop off in their own time. Only the weekly weigh in really counts.
(((((((big hug)))))))
Lesley x
God - I go on a bit don't I???!
It's too early for such verbal diarrhoea.....
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