Monday
The diet started very unsuccessfully with a painful gulping down of the whey 'strawberry' shake. The first one I made with 400ml of water which was clearly too much as it was just pink water and bore no resemblance to the gorgeous, creamy, fat-laden McDonald's shakes of my past..... The second one was a little better, but tasted pretty darn bad and I certainly wasn't looking forward to the next one.
As it was bank holiday I had a lovely spare day off so took a trip to the 'dieting food supplements' section of Tesco and was pleasantly surprised by the range they stock! I'd love to be doing the meal replacements such as Slim Fast as they looked so delicious compared to what I'd had that morning but they contain too many carbs and I wouldn't go into Ketosis, which is what I'm aiming for to speed up weight loss.
I found some Breakfast Bars though that are designed for those on a low carb diet and with only 2.2g net carbs (oh yes, I've got all the terminology now!) and 150kcals are great for me and my quest. They don't taste wonderful but are more than bearable and were a relief as I couldn't face a lifetime of those vile watery whey shakes.
Didn't have any caffeine at all on Monday and drank 3 litres of water which is AMAZING for me but I don't think it helped the overall mood on this first day.
Tuesday
Back to work and, after another cringe-worthy effort at downing a protein shake went equipped with whey powder measured out which I could mix into water for my 11am snack. This produced much interest from my colleagues who all wondered 'what the pink stuff is?'. Tried to explain without actually saying I'm on a very low cal diet as I can't be bothered arguing against the well meaning concerns and reasonings etc when they don't know the whole story or the science behind it all. Needless to say I couldn't drink this shake either and texted Mr RB to say how disappointed I am and that I don't think this is going to work as I can't stomach the main food I'm 'allowed'!
Mr RB was w o n d e r f u l (ahhhh....) and went to the health food shop near where he works to buy another brand of whey protein in a chocolate flavour that he'd been recommended by one of his staff. Meantime, back at the ranch, I'd looked into whether milk fits into the low carb lifestyle and found that unsweetened soy milk is ok but allegedly doesn't taste too nice on its own. Thought we'd give it a whirl anyway and the upshot was this: the chocolate shake blended with water is very palatable and, when mixed with 250ml of the soy milk, so is the strawberry shake! Hurrah! Felt much happier with this outcome as they really aren't hard to drink now and it means the diet isn't over before it's begun!
Had a tin of tuna tonight as, for 100kcals, it's perfect - it's portion controlled, I don't get the urge to binge on heaps of it, it's quite filling if chewed lots and after 2 days of not eating real food was delicious!
Wednesday
It's now the end of day three and I think I've struggled the most today with the dreaded carb cravings. I've still ploughed my way through 3 litres of water (which I think may be getting easier?) and enjoyed the strawberry & soy milk shake for breakfast (150kcals), a chocolate one for lunch (200kcals) and tuna for tea (100kcals) but once I got home I couldn't shake the feeling of wanting a big portion of the pasta bake & garlic bread that Mr RB was enjoying so much. I kept drinking my weak squash and plucked my eyebrows to distraction and avoided the pit hole, but it certainly wasn't much fun!
I'm hoping this feeling will fade as the days go on and I get into Ketosis but the mind is a super powerful tool and doesn't like to be overruled!
Need to do measurements very shortly and pop my 'before' pics on here, which I'm loathe to do in case anyone I know comes across it!! But all for one and one for all and all that.....!
xx
How am I doing?
Wednesday, 30 May 2007
Monday, 28 May 2007
Sunday, 27 May 2007
Another New Beginning
It's Sunday 28 May, 12 days after I last posted.
I've never been very good at sticking with things (apart from bad things such as procrastinating, watching too much tv and eating too many chewy sweets of course)and this blog was going to be a consistent record of a pivital point in my life where I morph from a big fat moth into a delicate shimmering butterfly.
However, the struggle to actually get onto the blasted Lighter Life diet upon which I pinned so many hopes has been much larger than ever anticipated. If you were of an paranoid nature you might even think events and people were consipiring against me to keep me rotund! Most people would have thought that our NHS medical profession would have jumped at a chance to have me lose a lot of weight in a controlled manner in conjunction with counselling to address why I overeat without them having to pay a penny! After a lot of persuing and being let down by various GP Surgery personnel I managed to get an appointment with my usual GP at 9.30am Friday morning who, for the small fee of £60-£85, was going to sign a consent form to allow me onto the LL programme and onto the Slim-Life-Here-We-Come Train!
Then I overslept.
I was absolutely gutted and disgusted with myself. I woke at 10am, half an hour after my appointment and obviously couldn't make it there then. I wept with frustration on the phone to Mr RB who very gallantly rang the surgery to explain and see if he could reschedule but there were no more free appointments. It didn't help that after trying to contact the Lighter Life counsellor to ask when the course was starting as I was having trouble getting the form signed she replied by a short text saying 'day course already open, eve course Thurs 20th June 6pm places very limited'. I texted back 'well can you book me an evening slot please as I'll have the form signed by then. Thanks.' It's 3 days later and she hasn't replied, even though I would have thought that if someone was paying a minimum of £1000 for 14 weeks worth of food and counselling she'd have shown a bit more interest.
Anyway. The upshot is that I had another long think about the whole thing and have come to the conclusion that perhaps I don't need to spend £66 per week plus £60-£85 for the privilege of a doctor acquiescing to the idea. I'm going to have a good go at re-creating a VLCD alongside CBT (ooh, all these acronyms!). We have therefore popped along to good old Argos (!!), purchased some of the finest Whey powder on the market and a shaker and have decided that from tomorrow I shall be eating only these shakes, plus 4 litres of water per day and beginning a course of 'Self Help Cognitive Behavioural Therapy'.
Hmmm...I'm not convinced either, but I'm going to give it a good go and do my damndest. I'm most worried about the carb cravings that I know I'm going to experience really strongly due to the vast amounts of carbs I consume each day. Hence the cheese on toast & Tea with milk Last Supper (see pic). I'll write more tomorrow to explain further and let you know how the first day went, but wish me luck! xxx
Wednesday, 16 May 2007
Wednesday
I haven't written for two days as it's been a bit manic. On Monday Mr RB and I went to our local leisure centre and signed up for their 'Stretch Card' which means you can do any activities as frequently as you like for £29 per month. Bargain. We eased ourselves in by going swimming during the adult only session from 9-10pm and are tentatively pleased with the whole thing so far. I say tentative because we are both a bit snobby about leisure centres, what with Mr RB having worked for years as a Personal Trainer at David Lloyd Leisure establishments, which are lovely, and then as a manager of a £3million spa - both of which gave me free membership. However, the council facilities, although pretty dated were ok and cleaner than I remember from my youth, so we were quite pleased.
When we returned from swimming we were just about to go to bed around 11ish when Simone (my best bud) rang in a state and needed me to drive to her parents house to sit for her sister to allow her dad to rush to the hospital to be with them as her nan was very very ill and possibly wouldn't make it through the night. It's a horrible situation for them all and I sympathise so much. So I went up to their house and stayed until around 2am when her dad returned from the hospital and so climbed into bed around 2.30am and woke, bleary eyed, 4 and a half hours later to go to work. Not great, but I'd much rather be doing that than going through what Sim and her family are going through.
Then yesterday, I was too tired to post and felt very down. I was waiting for the GP to contact me with a yes or no regarding the medical for Lighter Life. At 4.30pm I was still waiting so I rang the surgery to speak to her. They told me that she'd only been working a half day and wouldn't be back there until next Weds!! I explained in no uncertain terms what had happened and the receptionist said she'd get a partner to ring me as soon as possible. I knew that GP hadn't taken me seriously and I wanted to cry with frustration as I'd been looking forward to an answer either way so much. It's making me angry now, just thinking about it that someone can have such little empathy with a patient that they fail to see how important this is in my life.
I've got to go to bed now, but I'll try and finish the tales of dead ends tomorrow at some point. I'm a bit loathe to keep blogging when everything I write about seems to be so negative at the moment, but I'll see how it goes. xx
When we returned from swimming we were just about to go to bed around 11ish when Simone (my best bud) rang in a state and needed me to drive to her parents house to sit for her sister to allow her dad to rush to the hospital to be with them as her nan was very very ill and possibly wouldn't make it through the night. It's a horrible situation for them all and I sympathise so much. So I went up to their house and stayed until around 2am when her dad returned from the hospital and so climbed into bed around 2.30am and woke, bleary eyed, 4 and a half hours later to go to work. Not great, but I'd much rather be doing that than going through what Sim and her family are going through.
Then yesterday, I was too tired to post and felt very down. I was waiting for the GP to contact me with a yes or no regarding the medical for Lighter Life. At 4.30pm I was still waiting so I rang the surgery to speak to her. They told me that she'd only been working a half day and wouldn't be back there until next Weds!! I explained in no uncertain terms what had happened and the receptionist said she'd get a partner to ring me as soon as possible. I knew that GP hadn't taken me seriously and I wanted to cry with frustration as I'd been looking forward to an answer either way so much. It's making me angry now, just thinking about it that someone can have such little empathy with a patient that they fail to see how important this is in my life.
I've got to go to bed now, but I'll try and finish the tales of dead ends tomorrow at some point. I'm a bit loathe to keep blogging when everything I write about seems to be so negative at the moment, but I'll see how it goes. xx
Sunday, 13 May 2007
Sodden Sunday
A very up and down day today. Started off great with my lovely man bringing breakfast in bed at a very pleasant Sunday waking up time of around 10am. He brought a pot of tea, orange juice, bacon and egg rolls (for him) and egg rolls (for me). Hamish had the 2 rashers of bacon that I would have had pre-vegetarian days. He's very helpful like that.
We then fell back asleep and woke up grumpy because we'd wasted so much of a precious day off together. Decided to 'pop to Bristol to Cribb's Causeway Mall' which is easier said than done as we had a small difference of opinion about how to get there..... Eventually, after tears and tantrums (mine and his respectively) and a few miles scenic detouring in the lashing rain with only an hour left of Sunday trading we made it there. It didn't help that his notions of how to get there were the right ones and I was wrong. He still acted like a beast.
So when we reached the Mall I wasn't in much of a mood to shop. H and M made matters worse too by having their Plus Size section secreted at the darkest, dankest recess of their shop next to the Maternity section so you had to look really carefully at the item of clothing you were considering to make sure it wasn't intended for someone 9 months pregnant, which is never good when you're just fat. They also have a huge sign hanging right over their Plus Size section declaring to the world 'SIZES 18 - 30' just so that anyone passing who can't already see that you're a lardy ass knows for sure that you have to shop in the big section. At least in New Look they call it Inspire, which is far less disconcerting than a huge big sign that may as well have been neon with flashing pyrotechnics.
The rest of the day was nice: made friends again over a vanilla latte and half a toasted teacake, bought a tracksuit of sorts for my fitness drive, drove home, took some clothes I've rarely worn up to my parents for the charity people to collect tomorrow, took Hamish for a lovely walk up on Caerphilly mountain, came home and fed said dog then went to the cinema and saw a gruesome flick called 28 Weeks Later.
My weight is such an obsession at the moment. Just pinning my hopes on Tuesday for the docs to say I can join Lighter Life.
We then fell back asleep and woke up grumpy because we'd wasted so much of a precious day off together. Decided to 'pop to Bristol to Cribb's Causeway Mall' which is easier said than done as we had a small difference of opinion about how to get there..... Eventually, after tears and tantrums (mine and his respectively) and a few miles scenic detouring in the lashing rain with only an hour left of Sunday trading we made it there. It didn't help that his notions of how to get there were the right ones and I was wrong. He still acted like a beast.
So when we reached the Mall I wasn't in much of a mood to shop. H and M made matters worse too by having their Plus Size section secreted at the darkest, dankest recess of their shop next to the Maternity section so you had to look really carefully at the item of clothing you were considering to make sure it wasn't intended for someone 9 months pregnant, which is never good when you're just fat. They also have a huge sign hanging right over their Plus Size section declaring to the world 'SIZES 18 - 30' just so that anyone passing who can't already see that you're a lardy ass knows for sure that you have to shop in the big section. At least in New Look they call it Inspire, which is far less disconcerting than a huge big sign that may as well have been neon with flashing pyrotechnics.
The rest of the day was nice: made friends again over a vanilla latte and half a toasted teacake, bought a tracksuit of sorts for my fitness drive, drove home, took some clothes I've rarely worn up to my parents for the charity people to collect tomorrow, took Hamish for a lovely walk up on Caerphilly mountain, came home and fed said dog then went to the cinema and saw a gruesome flick called 28 Weeks Later.
My weight is such an obsession at the moment. Just pinning my hopes on Tuesday for the docs to say I can join Lighter Life.
Saturday, 12 May 2007
Sunny Saturday
Had a very industrial day today and got lots of little things sorted that have been put off for far too long. Like paying off the outstanding niggly balance on an almost finished credit card (58 pence!) and returning library books (£6.25!). The lady in the library couldn't tell me how they'd arrived at that price so we called it quits at a £5-er. Ooh - I'm a wheeler dealer bargain seeker, don't you know?!
Mr RB was working as usual, so took Hamish for a lovely walk at Tredegar House grounds. Gorgeous setting - there was, as the phrase goes, a veritable 'riot of colour', lots of other walkers and their dogs and even some adorable little rabbits sunbathing in a quiet corner. It was really lovely and I felt very 18th Century strolling round stopping to peruse the flora and fauna. Normally when I go with Mr RB we do a super-brisk walk (well, maybe just brisk) and don't get to stop and smell the flowers but today I took it easy and enjoyed myself.
I phoned the LLC again about the doctors (she didn't return my call). Maybe she was distracted or maybe she doesn't like to work on the weekends but she didn't seem all that bothered that the GPs aren't keen about signing me up. You'd think that at £66 per week she would be bothered, wouldn't you?! I know she'll only get a commission, but still - it's a real lot of money to me and I'd like her to be a bit more interested. She kept repeating that I need to get the form to get on the diet (well, der!) and they can't accept me on if I don't have it (well, der again!) and if my doctor won't sign it the only other option is to get it done privately at a cost of around £60.
She did ask me if there was anyone I knew who was a doctor or a nurse and I mentioned my sister in law is a nurse specialist (although I actually said nurse practioner accidentally) and she said it would be fine for her to fill it out for me.
I think I'll wait until Tuesday to see if the doc from Thursday comes back to me with a yea or a nay and then take it up with my sister in law then. I mentioned yesterday what I thought her response would be about Lighter Life so I'd rather not have to seek her help unless there's no other way. I can't afford to be paying for private medicals so she'd be my only option, bless her.
We've just watched Eurovision with tacos and a bottle of wine. There's something inately comforting about being cuddled up with Mr RB, some food and some warming booze watching so-bad-it's-quite-good-fun- TV. I'll miss it if I ever get on this blasted diet - cuddling up with a cup of hot water aint gonna be quite as much fun I don't think!
Mr RB was working as usual, so took Hamish for a lovely walk at Tredegar House grounds. Gorgeous setting - there was, as the phrase goes, a veritable 'riot of colour', lots of other walkers and their dogs and even some adorable little rabbits sunbathing in a quiet corner. It was really lovely and I felt very 18th Century strolling round stopping to peruse the flora and fauna. Normally when I go with Mr RB we do a super-brisk walk (well, maybe just brisk) and don't get to stop and smell the flowers but today I took it easy and enjoyed myself.
I phoned the LLC again about the doctors (she didn't return my call). Maybe she was distracted or maybe she doesn't like to work on the weekends but she didn't seem all that bothered that the GPs aren't keen about signing me up. You'd think that at £66 per week she would be bothered, wouldn't you?! I know she'll only get a commission, but still - it's a real lot of money to me and I'd like her to be a bit more interested. She kept repeating that I need to get the form to get on the diet (well, der!) and they can't accept me on if I don't have it (well, der again!) and if my doctor won't sign it the only other option is to get it done privately at a cost of around £60.
She did ask me if there was anyone I knew who was a doctor or a nurse and I mentioned my sister in law is a nurse specialist (although I actually said nurse practioner accidentally) and she said it would be fine for her to fill it out for me.
I think I'll wait until Tuesday to see if the doc from Thursday comes back to me with a yea or a nay and then take it up with my sister in law then. I mentioned yesterday what I thought her response would be about Lighter Life so I'd rather not have to seek her help unless there's no other way. I can't afford to be paying for private medicals so she'd be my only option, bless her.
We've just watched Eurovision with tacos and a bottle of wine. There's something inately comforting about being cuddled up with Mr RB, some food and some warming booze watching so-bad-it's-quite-good-fun- TV. I'll miss it if I ever get on this blasted diet - cuddling up with a cup of hot water aint gonna be quite as much fun I don't think!
Friday, 11 May 2007
Water Logged Friday
Today has been a landscape of archetypal November wintery weather. Blustery, constant, mind numbing rain has lashed our little country in a huge contrast to the fab weather we've had recently. The pic shows one such day around 4 weeks ago when Mr RB and I actually had a day off together (he works crazy shifts and rarely gets a weekend day off) and we took a trip with Hamish to Rhossilli, one of the most gorgeous places in Wales. It was a lovely, lovely day but we didn't venture down to the beach because of the huge steep trek down to it which I was scared I wouldn't be able to get back up ok. That's shocking for a 27 yr old! We had a nice walk across the (pretty much flat) cliffs though, and Hamish came off lead for the first time in public and did himself proud, bless him.
Food wise today has been poor. I rang the LLC to ask about the doctor's decision and how other people dealt with it when the GPs were not willing to sign the form but I had to leave an answer phone message and she hasn't got back to me as yet. Hmmmm.... this is quite a struggle to even get on this diet, let alone see it through. And as I'm notoriously a bit of a quitter it doesn't bode well! I did receive another pack in the post today though with another medical form - maybe I could go back and see one of the other doctors on Monday (a partner this time) and see what they have to say?
Popped round to see my mum tonight as we usually do on a Friday since my dad goes to his male voice choir rehearsal and she's on her own all night. My brother was there with his wife, Sharon, who is doing really well on Weight Watchers - I think she's lost over 2 and a half stone and is looking great! Her eating habits are so different to mine though as the weight has just crept on because of portion sizes or types of food choices rather than completely binging on huge amounts of food in secret to medicate a mental issue. I'm so pleased for her though! She is in the medical profession and I know for almost certain that she would frown heavily (no pun intended) on the LL diet for being so extreme.
It's the weekend tomorrow though - yippee!! Got lots of little jobs to do and one fine dog to be walked and then Mr RB actually has a Sunday off which I'm soooo looking forward to!
Thursday, 10 May 2007
Seeing the GP
Well. This isn't a good start to getting on the diet.
I went to the doctors during my lunch hour (not as flippantly easy as it sounds as my doctor's surgery is quite a few miles from my work and I also have the guilt of leaving my poor wee dog alone all day rather than going home at lunch to let him out). I saw a locum who I suspected as soon as I went in would not be sympathetic to the cause. She was a about 5' 7", weighed approximately 9 stones and from her patronising chairside manner had clearly never had a weight problem herself or been close to someone who had.
I introduced the diet, ensuring I put careful emphasis on the counselling side of things as I know the 500kcals a day thing can scare people, but she still pounced on the VLC part and started tutting and shaking her head sorrowfully. She mentioned very 'helpful' things where phrases like 'aim for 1-2lbs a week' and 'just watch what you eat and exercise' featured heavily - as if it was a new idea to me and I'd never thought of it before!! Oh yes - that's a great idea! All I need to do is cut down on what I eat and exercise a bit more! Why didn't I think of it before?! Silly me - what a revelation she was! Silly moo.
I don't really blame her - it's hard for anyone to put themselves in other people's shoes but it is very demoralising at this stage. After she weighed me I think she was taken aback a little but she didn't budge from her moral high ground labelling the diet as 'political' and a 'moneyspinner'. Great.
She ended up keeping the medical form and the booklet and saying she'd have to run the idea past the Partners as they may not want to get involved in the scheme and she'd get back to me Tuesday of next week. She also mentioned they will probably charge an average of £200 per hour (pro-rata) to do the initial medical and every subsequent 28 day check up. Yikes!
So, not great all round. Came out feeling CRUD and so dealt with it as I always do - 6 fairy cakes with buttercream. It made me feel better though and I don't even feel guilty! Weird.
I went to the doctors during my lunch hour (not as flippantly easy as it sounds as my doctor's surgery is quite a few miles from my work and I also have the guilt of leaving my poor wee dog alone all day rather than going home at lunch to let him out). I saw a locum who I suspected as soon as I went in would not be sympathetic to the cause. She was a about 5' 7", weighed approximately 9 stones and from her patronising chairside manner had clearly never had a weight problem herself or been close to someone who had.
I introduced the diet, ensuring I put careful emphasis on the counselling side of things as I know the 500kcals a day thing can scare people, but she still pounced on the VLC part and started tutting and shaking her head sorrowfully. She mentioned very 'helpful' things where phrases like 'aim for 1-2lbs a week' and 'just watch what you eat and exercise' featured heavily - as if it was a new idea to me and I'd never thought of it before!! Oh yes - that's a great idea! All I need to do is cut down on what I eat and exercise a bit more! Why didn't I think of it before?! Silly me - what a revelation she was! Silly moo.
I don't really blame her - it's hard for anyone to put themselves in other people's shoes but it is very demoralising at this stage. After she weighed me I think she was taken aback a little but she didn't budge from her moral high ground labelling the diet as 'political' and a 'moneyspinner'. Great.
She ended up keeping the medical form and the booklet and saying she'd have to run the idea past the Partners as they may not want to get involved in the scheme and she'd get back to me Tuesday of next week. She also mentioned they will probably charge an average of £200 per hour (pro-rata) to do the initial medical and every subsequent 28 day check up. Yikes!
So, not great all round. Came out feeling CRUD and so dealt with it as I always do - 6 fairy cakes with buttercream. It made me feel better though and I don't even feel guilty! Weird.
Wednesday, 9 May 2007
The Weeks before
Hello to whoever takes the time to read this and welcome to the beginning of my journey from obesity and stress-headedness to (hopefully!) slimness and organised simplicity using the aid of Lighter Life.
I am a 27 year old married gal, given to extremes in most areas of my life but particularly with food. I love food. It is my friend and silent foe who lures me in with promises of wonderful carb and sugar satisfaction and makes me feel in control of myself, and only then lets on that the bad side effects are much worse than the eating - a notion conveniently forgotton by the next time a binge is due....
After years of trying to analyse my eating I have come to the conclusion that my overeating is separated into 2 categories. The first one is the general day to day overeating such as having 2 or 3 biscuits instead of one and having the same (huge) sized portions as my energetic and fit husband and doing very little exercise. This is the part that I can control which has enabled me to lose small amounts (1-2 stones) in the past. The second category is the Binge Eating Category which scares the hell out of me because I just can't seem to control this part no matter what! It's like I am compelled to plan a binge, shop for a binge, eat the binge, dispose of the binge evidence and once these rollers are in motion there's nothing I can do to stop it short of gluing up my mouth.
I've reached another crises point in my life when I got weighed recently and am the heaviest I've ever been at around 19 stones. Yuck. It feels awful writing that, realising that people will probably read it - I would be soooo embarrassed if anyone I knew realised I weighed that much. At 5' 7" and with a BMI of 42 ish I know my health and quality of life are and will continue to be compromised and something has got to give.
The LL diet with the abstinence and the counselling seem just what the doctor ordered, in theory. I am so looking forward to beginning this new lifestyle I cannot even express it properly. To have the choices of types and quantities of foods removed from me, in conjunction with the counselling sessions to target why I compulsively binge eat will be magic and, as my lovely scottish husband often says, "I cannae wait"!
The South Wales group is not due to start for another couple of weeks at least, though, so I'm a bit frustrated as I really want to get cracking so I can lose a good lot of weight before our holiday in September to Italy. I recieved the forms today to take to the doctors to make sure I'm ok to do the diet. Bit nervous about this though - what if they say it's a very bad idea to do a VLCD and don't let me on?
Anyway - let's have a bit more 'glass half full' philosophy. People say you create your own luck, so a bit of positive thinking will do the trick, I'm sure. (well, almost sure - it's hard to change when you're a hardened pessimist...).
Will let you know tomorrow how the docs goes. xx
I am a 27 year old married gal, given to extremes in most areas of my life but particularly with food. I love food. It is my friend and silent foe who lures me in with promises of wonderful carb and sugar satisfaction and makes me feel in control of myself, and only then lets on that the bad side effects are much worse than the eating - a notion conveniently forgotton by the next time a binge is due....
After years of trying to analyse my eating I have come to the conclusion that my overeating is separated into 2 categories. The first one is the general day to day overeating such as having 2 or 3 biscuits instead of one and having the same (huge) sized portions as my energetic and fit husband and doing very little exercise. This is the part that I can control which has enabled me to lose small amounts (1-2 stones) in the past. The second category is the Binge Eating Category which scares the hell out of me because I just can't seem to control this part no matter what! It's like I am compelled to plan a binge, shop for a binge, eat the binge, dispose of the binge evidence and once these rollers are in motion there's nothing I can do to stop it short of gluing up my mouth.
I've reached another crises point in my life when I got weighed recently and am the heaviest I've ever been at around 19 stones. Yuck. It feels awful writing that, realising that people will probably read it - I would be soooo embarrassed if anyone I knew realised I weighed that much. At 5' 7" and with a BMI of 42 ish I know my health and quality of life are and will continue to be compromised and something has got to give.
The LL diet with the abstinence and the counselling seem just what the doctor ordered, in theory. I am so looking forward to beginning this new lifestyle I cannot even express it properly. To have the choices of types and quantities of foods removed from me, in conjunction with the counselling sessions to target why I compulsively binge eat will be magic and, as my lovely scottish husband often says, "I cannae wait"!
The South Wales group is not due to start for another couple of weeks at least, though, so I'm a bit frustrated as I really want to get cracking so I can lose a good lot of weight before our holiday in September to Italy. I recieved the forms today to take to the doctors to make sure I'm ok to do the diet. Bit nervous about this though - what if they say it's a very bad idea to do a VLCD and don't let me on?
Anyway - let's have a bit more 'glass half full' philosophy. People say you create your own luck, so a bit of positive thinking will do the trick, I'm sure. (well, almost sure - it's hard to change when you're a hardened pessimist...).
Will let you know tomorrow how the docs goes. xx
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