Days 12, 13, 14 & 15 (Friday - Monday)

We liked this picture, which was taken the weekend before I started the diet, as it has 'Muffins' - 'Past Times' in it which we thought was very appropriate.

This is me tucked in between Sharon (sister in law) who has lost 3stone 2lbs on WW and Simone (best friend) who has lost 4st 7lbs on WW. They've done very well.

This is Mr RB & wee Hamish at the beautiful Llantwit Major coastal walk last weekend. The sun was blazing and Mr RB looks yummy (although he thinks he looks a bit podgy in this pic?!!!).

Wow wee! I've not posted for ages!

I've been struggling sooooooooooooooooooooooo much over the last few days. It seems every carbohydrate based love bucket of food possible has crossed paths with me and it's all got a bit too much to bear recently.

I even burst into tears on Friday night and sobbed inconsolably for about 5 minutes, much to my embarrassment and (afterwards) amusement. It seems MAD to weep and almost mourn 'nice' food like I did, but it reminded me how much this is like trying to break any other type of addiction.

It's tougher than I thought to have your security infrastructure removed, and yet be faced with poor imitations of said food-based security every single day that don't help soothe a troubled mind like the calorie-and-fat-laden-one did. I had very strong mental cravings to go home via the supermarket and stock up on heavenly binge food that would make me feel much better, if only for a short time. I kept saying to myself, 'RB, what do you want more - to have a temporary 'fix' that will keep you satiated for a short time or to be slim and happy and healthy?' and I can honestly say that at that moment (and lots of others over Thursday, Friday and Saturday) I wanted the fix rather than the long term reward.

The only thing that has kept me sticking to this diet was the fact that my Ketostix are telling me that I'm currently in ketosis and if I come out of it for the sake of a binge it will take me almost a week to get back into it (if this is factually incorrect please don't correct me or I'll be tempted to binge even more if I think I can fix the problem quickly!) and the weight loss will slow.

It hasn't helped that this week I've only lost 2 lbs, which, as I've said on here once or twice and to Mr RB several hundred times is impossible for a woman of my size, eating only 550kcals and doing moderate exercise. However, I did suspect that it was pre-TOTM week where historically I have retained water etc so I have pushed on to the end of the week and am now in TOTM and thus should see a good weight loss next Monday. FINGER'S CROSSED!

I can't believe I'm only just at the beginning of week 3 and have had so many emotional ups and downs already. I keep thinking about what Lesley said about joining a group, and thinking it's an increasingly good idea. I just don't think I can afford it at the moment.

Have done quite a few bits and pieces of exercise recently, getting up nice and promptly on the weekends to play badminton, go swimming and take Hamish for an uppy/downy trek which tired all 3 of us out quite significantly. It's been nice spending our first weekend of the year together (Mr RB hasn't had a Saturday off since October last year!).

Tonight we've been to a 90 year old's birthday party! It was surprisingly lively and jolly good fun actually, although there were tables groaning with high class party food that is just so nibblesome. Had quite a few different meats but refrained from the delicious looking pork pies, sausage lattices, fresh mouthwatering sandwiches, vegetable crisps, assortment of posh cakes and elegant chocolate nibbles..... Again, was harder than I thought it would be to leave such food alone as with so many people there I thought I'd be more distracted. Sim came too and got told how lovely she was looking since the person had last seen her due to her weightloss which was really nice for her. Will be great when it's my turn, but I really am happy for her in the meantime!

Came away from the 'do laden with leftovers which I made Mr RB swear to take with him on his journey tomorrow. If they're not all taken I will have to dispose of them as temptation may overcome me. I have a tiny secret fantasy of breaking the diet completely and spending the four days alone which Mr RB will be away locked in a room with a TV and the company of my two very good friends Ben & Jerry. Actually, Haagen Daaz (how do you spell that?!) Cookie Dough is my favourite, but it doesn't fit my fantasy so well. Sigh.

Well, onwards and upwards. I'm going to keep at it until at least Monday then, if still no big weightloss has been recorded, rethink my strategy. This aint living at the moment but I'm prepared to do it for the big losses other people have had, but not for anything less.

xxx