Mel - you may well have saved my diet! Temporarily at least.
Had a very odd day yesterday (Weds). Mr RB & Hamish were travelling up to Dunfermline to spend a few days with Mr RB's family before I fly up to meet them on Saturday for a week. (On a side note - am feeling very guilty about not 'off setting my carbon footprint' for that flight so will have to look into how to do it.... Can't you pay for a tree to be planted to counterbalance the emissions contributed to??)
Felt very nervous when I knew Mr RB wasn't going to be around to lightly 'supervise' the diet and keep reassuring me (albeit through mouthfuls of creamy pasta bakes or 8 slices of cheese on toast and a family size bar of Dairy Milk etc etc) how well I'm doing. It was on my mind all day that now I could just 'cheat' and nobody would know any different. I stuck to my shake for breakfast and lunch during the day but after work was almost a completely different story.
I had to go to Tesco to stock up on dark salad leaves to have with my plain tuna for dinner so tootled on along there despite knowing that it was going to be a struggle because I was hungry and would be tempted.
And tempted I was. Binge mode hit me and off I went round the shelves scooping various foodstuffs into my trolley in an almost robotic state. Of course I knew what I was doing - I would never want to make excuses for binging - but there is something animalistic and 'raw' about the processes I seem to go through where I feel compelled to act in certain ways.
Some of the foods were: 16 x Muller snack pot yoghurts, 12 freshly baked bread rolls, 8 jumbo hot dog sausages, 2 packets of frangipanes, a jar of chocolate spread, a litre tub of caramel & fudge ice cream and a partridge in a pear tree.
I struggled with my diet conscience soooo badly and was almost in tears in the frozen aisle in Tesco, (which would have been a highly embarrassing situation had I been discovered blubbing surrounded by frozen foods!). I knew that to go ahead with all this food would mean letting myself down, catapulting myself out of ketosis, having to experience the self loathing that happens after a binge etc.
So (and this is where you come in, Mel!) I made a deal with myself that I'd check my blog (on my mobile, which is what I do most days anyway, although generally not in the middle of Tesco...) and see if I could glean any wisdom that would help. And Mel's comment on the last post certainly did help - it was positive and reinforced what I knew I should do while admitting that staying on the dieting wagon is certainly more difficult at times than one would think. Just to have that understanding of my predicament while I stood there in the supermarket was all I needed and enabled me to walk out of there with my bag of virtuous spinach, watercress and rocket leaves and my head held high. So Thank You Mel! You may well have saved my diet as, had I broken yesterday, it would probably have morphed into a 'blip' of a few weeks or months before I got the mental energy to have another bash.
Support is so important, so thanks again.
Today has been easier - I've felt a little more relaxed and happier with my choices, dull as they are.
Tomorrow, I'm due to go out for a meal with some friends so will stick to a green salad and a small piece of fish or chicken which is pretty much what I've been having for dinner recently anyway. It's weird that I'm not as nervous going out to a restaurant as I am being left alone in a house with cupboards, freezers and bread bins full of food I could binge eat and nobody would notice....
I wonder how Lesley is getting on in Canada and whether food choices are tormenting her? I think her head's in such a good place dietwise now, though, that she'll probably be doing just great.
Hope so!
xx
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6 comments:
Well I'm so glad that I was with you in Tesco's, allbeit spiritually to help with the diet.
But don't lose sight of the fact that although the comment was a wake up call to the binge pit you were falling into, ultimately it was your own willpower that gave you the strength to put the stuff back on the shelves.
You saved your own diet, which proves you really can do this. No matter how much the cravings are there, even on the odd occasion there's nothing you can do to stop it, ultimately, you can lose the weight you want to.
You should be giving yourself the same praise and thanks for your actions, you did really well!
Mel x
Wow!! I am in awe that you managed, having got hlfway there to a binge, to put the stuff back (or just leave it!!) and only buy the good stuff. You have come a long way in a short time. Try and remember this moment as the break through it really is.
I wasn't bad in Canada but I think it's easier when you've been doing something for a long time. I had my moments but I was confident that they wouldnt' translate into a long binge and they didn't. If nothing else uploading my photos most nights and seeing the slim new me smiling out at me meant I made mostly good choices!
Keep it up - you have done really well and I'm sure Mel is chuffed to bits to have such a graphic illustration of how commetns can help others.
Lesley x
Hello!
It seems a few of us have let the blogging slip a bit just lately (me included), the diet slipped as well too, and I've gained a stone in the process. HOWEVER, I intend to get back into the swing of things in the next few days.
I hope you are well RB, and would love to hear how you are getting on!
Mel x
Long time? :)
Waiting for your post...
Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Wireless, I hope you enjoy. The address is http://wireless-brasil.blogspot.com. A hug.
Hello! Thanks so much for sharing your experiences. I stumbled upon your story whilst googling lighter life. I'm on day 12 and it's torture! You're a fantastic writer and I've laughed so much - I AM YOU (but in Edinburgh)!!! On a more serious note, I recognised so much of myself in your comments about binging. I'm afraid I have been diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder and am receiving CBT from an eating disorders clinic, in conjuction with LL. I haven't used this site before so don't know if you can email me back but would love to know how you're doing now. Did you ever get onto the LL programme? Are you still struggling with your weight or have you cracked it?
Thanks again,
Lindsay
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